How "W" Shows His Manhood
"I don’t want to see it, George. Even if it is a washable tattoo, I don’t want to look at it."
"Aw, but, Laura, it’s really neat. A skull and bones with Afghanistan 2002, and Iraq 2003."
"It’s hideous. Lots of people died there and war is nothing to boast about. You keep your sleeves rolled down. If you have to show it to somebody, go outside.
"But, darlin’, . . ."
And you wash it off before you come to bed, or wear long pajamas. Or you can sleep in the Lincoln bedroom!"
"Crandall, get the vice president on the phone, please."
"Dick, George. Yeah, I got it on. Looks really cool.
"Let’s everyone know just what a wartime President you are. Makes me proud."
"Yeah, me too. I just hate it when it peels off."
"That’s good. That way when you re-apply it, you can move it a little lower. When you are campaigning at bases around the country, the soldiers and sailors can see it below your short sleeves."
"Yeah, makes me look like one of them."
"Of course, sir. Worth at least 100,000 votes."
"But we can’t let Laura see it. She’ll have a hissy fit."
"Even if she does, tell her it’s just a campaign tactic.
"Yeah, just like speaking at bases. Golly, that last time we went to Ohio, that was rough. Lots of folks there acted like they don’t have jobs."
"That’s why speaking at military bases is the best way to campaign. We wave the flag and have the band playing and let everyone applaud you for being brave and sending our boys and girls into combat.
"Yeah, I like that. How many bases we got, by the way?
"Hundreds, sir. Why?"
"Well, I was thinking that come the fall, we just campaign on bases, like we did at Reno and Fort Lewis. Everybody there works for us and if they want to get promoted, they better clap real loud. No one gets in that we don’t want, and it looks great on TV. I just don’t want to run out of bases before November.
"That would never happen, Mr. President. Even if we came close, we could just go back to the ones we use early in the fall . No one would ever know the difference."
"We ought to start with Camp Pendleton and other places where they have boys in the Middle East. They should be right proud."
"When you were at the Army War College in Pennsylvania, I noticed all the officers there were really clapping. If they want another star, they better.
And when I am speaking, I can just sort of shove my sleeves up and show them my tattoo, right?"
"Yes, sir. That would be a real theatrical moment. A wartime President with his troops. Brings a tear to my eye."
"Is there a song about being a wartime President, like ‘Hail to the Chief?’"
"No, sir. But we could commission one. What would you like to call it?"
"I don’t know. Something gutsy. Let everybody know just how hard it is to run a war and all the sacrifices it involves, all the hours in the Situation Room."
"Yes, sir."
"Or how about a medal for me? A medal for winning the war and giving the country back to the Iraqis? A gold one, maybe?
"We could see about that, sir. Even better, how about a tax cut to celebrate winning the war?"
"A tax cut? That’s a great idea. Since we won the war, we don’t need to take in as many taxes, so we can have a cut. Then we can celebrate with parades when the boys come home, playing this new song, give me a medal, and announce a new tax cut.
"Sounds splendid, Mr. President. We’ll get to work on it right away."